Black Boy Loading: Three Months From a Baby

Ya good sis is in month 6 of this here pregnancy. Yerp, three months left and I’ll have a boy child in my arms. Since I last wrote to you I’ve spent a lot of time thinking. And working, but most consistently thinking. First pregnancy is an interesting time because even though it feels like it’s forever long (the last time I went this long without drinking I may have not been able to buy liquor) it really is not. In 10 months, you go from thinking and planning for yourself to being somebody’s whole ass mama. I’m walking around here literally just carrying a human being around like a purse or a permanent fanny pack (an EXTREMELY HEAVY AND FULL FANNY PACK). Here’s some of the changes that have occurred in the last few months as I have only become more pregnant (as one is wont to do when gestating a mini-human).

Agency in Labor is a Must

We know the stats about American maternal health, we know the even more discouraging stats regarding black American maternal health, and we know that birthing peoples have been birthing since birthing was possible. All this taken into consideration, I decided I wanted to be as intentional about my delivery as I could and wanted to be as involved in the process as possible (along with my husband who will be catching my nugget if all goes to plan). That led me to transfer my prenatal care in the middle of my second trimester from a planned hospital birthing center under the care of an OB/GYN to a freestanding birthing center under the care of a team of midwives. I already knew I’d have a doula present at the birth either way, but now she’ll be working with my midwife and husband as opposed to my husband and a hospital staff.

The Body Knows What it Needs to Do

Unmedicated labor was the decided route I wanted to go ever since I watched my older cousin labor unmedicated for roughly 12 hours, five years ago. My body knows what to do to get this baby breathing his own air, and I trust it to do its thing like I’ve trusted it so many times before. That being said, I’m not running into this all willy nilly believing that I can just go in and drop a baby with no problems. We’re taking natural birthing classes, working with our doula, and regularly training my body to prepare for the arrival of this nugget. I’ve been thinking of labor as a marathon and taking this time, while I still have it, to get my body in shape to run it. I wouldn’t run a marathon with no training, birthing is no different.

Being Visibly Pregnant is Exciting

I’ve started to waddle. I struggle to bend down and tie my shoes. Those close to me speak to my belly before they speak to me. I primarily wear maternity clothes because my pre-pregnant clothes no longer fit. People are a bit kinder and I get an excuse to eat snacks all day. I didn’t expect to enjoy showing as much as I do, but it’s pretty awesome. It’s also pretty awe-inspiring to think that the body can hold a whole other body in it and still function effectively. Make no mistake the journey is difficult, my body is in no way operating the same as it did before I was a baby house, but it’s doing it’s best.

There’s an Actual Human Chilling Under my Stomach

My son seems to be pretty active. I know this because almost every time I lay down or sit in a car or stop moving for more than five minutes he starts doing the worm. Sometimes is just a move from one side of my stomach to the other. Other moments it’s a kick in the cervix (which does not feel pleasant) or a punch in my side. Whatever it is, he seems to be having a great time in there dreaming baby dreams and finding his groove. It wasn’t until he started moving that it became hella real that a whole person is napping (or breakdancing) in my uterus. WTF?! Seven months ago this guy didn’t even exist and now he’s reclining on top of my bladder, planning his grand debut in fifteen weeks.

Every milestone bring with it a new change or challenge. If pregnancy has taught me nothing else, it has shown me the utility of embracing flexibility because I really don’t have a choice. My body is different–my boobs have forsaken me to prepare to feed this baby and I can’t tell you what anything south of my tummy looks like–and my soul is now tethered to this fella I haven’t even met yet. So yeah my second trimester has been a ride. Can’t wait for what the next three months hold.

Over and out,

Bri aka a pregnant doctor bka somebody’s mama


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