Last Time I Checked I Wasn’t Broken…[Why Having A Man Still Won’t Cure Me]

This may come as a shocker.

I know this intel may be alarming or surprising to some folks but I have to share it. I’m saying this out of concern and my ultimate wish for all of us to be the best versions of ourselves. So here goes, pray my strength to share this boldly…

…a penis will not solve the world’s problems.

More specifically it won’t solve all my problems.

Let me give you a little background.

All my life I’ve had a mouth on me. I’ve always felt the need to let people know where I stand, and most times I thought it behooved most people to know my positions and opinions. Cuz otherwise how would you know what I thought and felt if I ain’t tell you. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to use my voice purposefully and contribute only when necessary, but I’m still not down for that ‘say all kinds of sideways things in my presence and I’ll keep my mouth shut’ foolery.

Nah, you may not change your opinion but you’re darn sure gonna know that I didn’t approve.

I honestly don’t feel I could have ended up any other way. I was raised by women who would read you filth, drag you from here and back, and then dare you to clap back if you came at them wrong. Mama Bear could possibly never let someone enact what she perceived as some type of injustice in her presence and stand quiet.

So yeah I’ve always been vocal. Don’t consider that a bad thing…

…but some folks do. Particularly those who are concerned with my love life or lack thereof. I’ve had people ask me how I planned on getting a man with my disposition or something to a similar tune.

Funny thing is, I don’t. 

There are so many reasons I step outside of my apartment and breathe fresh air in the morning. So many reasons why I maintain the political, spiritual, and social beliefs I do. Such a plethora of motivations for presenting and standing my ground the way that I do.

To catch me a man ain’t one of them.

i would love to be a caring, loving relationship with a man who gives me the peace and calm I only get around the people I deeply love and one day I will be when Mr. AwesomeSauce struts his happy behind my way but until then I’m outchea prospering and flourishing and being the hope and dream of the slave.

This “someone will come along and set you straight” rhetoric is so common that you almost forget you hear it so often, particularly in reference to Black women and our “uncompromising, unruly” attitude. We just need a man who’ll show us the way, teach us how to be properly submissive, learn us how to act right, and bring us to the Lord, or whatever they put in movies nowadays. Here’s the thing about that narrative and the assumption that I just need somebody to more or less train me on how to behave properly and be a better functioning member of society–I’m not a damn horse.

You break horses. You train and discipline dogs. I am not a thing to be domesticated and set straight by any random man who wants to prance in my life. It just seems like such an unhealthy story to create for men and women alike. For the men, it makes them falsely believe they are the authoritarian figure on all things human and that women are theirs to discipline and fix. Now imagine how shocked and frightened a man like that is gonna be when he comes across a loud, opinionated, wild-haired gal such as myself! 

As for women, this perpetual rhetoric of submission and change gets engrained in our brains and we start actually believing it. We start thinking there’s something wrong with the personality traits and spirits God put in us and we wait for change to come in the form of a dude who probably still has his mama paying his cell phone bill and doesn’t wash his own drawers. Girl, 

I’ve never in my natural born life, seen a woman change the things inherent to her and the universe reward her with a man [or woman] instantly popping into her life. If you gotta stifle the stuff that makes you you to grab you a partner, then maybe that person ain’t the one for the long haul.

I’m young still, but what I do know is myself at this point in time and one thing I’m sure of, I’m not broken so i’m not in the market for a man to fix me…unless his name is Jesus and I’ve already had that conversation with him so yeah.

Anyways, that’s all I got for ya loves.

Let me know what you’re tired of hearing that you need to change about yourself below