As I sit in my apartment, with my newly acquired wax lamp burning in the distance and the scent of lemon-cilantro-pineapple-tropical fusion-ness wafts throughout my home, I must say I am grateful to be in the new year [shoutout to you 2015] and done with the holiday season. As much as I love family, endless supplies of holiday-themed drinks, and receiving things I technically didn’t earn, I am happy to be back in my own bed, sipping my own Detox tea, and laying on my own couch using the minimal amount of muscles needed to hit next on the Hulu Plus Queue.
With a new year comes a whole twelve months ahead of new people to meet, new obstacles to tackle, and….more holidays to celebrate. As radical as I am, I still hold true to the celebration of many major holidays—such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and Labor Day just to name a few—but there are several that I straight up ignore, use simply as an excuse to acquire free food from my friends who love to host gatherings, or have a litany of reasons why it shouldn’t be a holiday at all. This post is about the latter. Those holidays that I consider pointless and prefer to do anything else INSTEAD of celebrate them.
Here’s a list of some holidays I think are dumb and some alternatives to them:
Am i single? Yes.
Am I salty? Nah.
I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. I’ve spent the last two Valentine’s Days with my girls, bka Gal-entine’s Day, and I must say they were two of my best V-Day’s ever. As much as I long for a bae whom I can pump full of overpriced food and sugar-laden sweets, I must say the fun of doing anything but is quite enticing. I know we’re brought up to wait with bated-breath to see how our boo-things are gonna further prove their love but it’s okay if you’re not into the socially constructed idea that this day is the day you remind yourself how much you love your partner. It’s also okay if you’re super into V-day, I just think the day is a bit pointless. Also, there’s something about the martyrdom of St. Valentine that really kills the vibe for me…I’m just saying.
Y’all had to see this coming.
Seeing as how I’m not big into the celebration of conquerors and the thousands of people’s lives they ruined I have to hit a hard swerve for Columbus Day. How you gon’ commemorate the de facto father of the trans-atlantic slave trade? You really think I, as a Black, am going to turn up in the name of a man who, if the indigenous peoples he rolled up on did not bring him enough gold, chopped off their hands and made them wear said hands around their neck?
Instead of going ham in the name of genocide, how about you take this day to read up on the ways and cultures of various indigenous populations the world over. If you think you’ll run out of tales where folks were kicking it in their own backyard and then some random, most likely European, person came in guns blazing or Bible a’swinging and took their stuff and claimed it as their own…trust me, you won’t.
St. Patrick’s Day
I’ve never quite seen the point nor completely understood the origin. To me, this holiday always meant wear green and watch out for drunkards who claim to be Irish. Also, folks was always talking about kissing strangers…that always seemed unpleasant. Instead of potentially getting whacked in the head by a poorly-thrown head of cabbage how about you take this day to enjoy some fine cultural export of Ireland. Whether that be some type of native dance,
a group viewing of Disney’s The Luck of the Irish (actually don’t do that, that movie is racist as all hell), or challenging yourself to kill a crate of Bailey’s Irish Creme, the possibilities are endless.
Fourth of July
I am Black.
We weren’t free.
Too many ribs will kill you.
Go read something by Toni Morrison instead.
I didn’t know this was a thing until like three years ago. Wish I had never learned it was a thing. If you’re into the flag, then celebrate all you must, but if you’re like me who hasn’t said the pledge of allegiance in a smooth four years then I’d take this time to go learn about some other country’s flag. Actually don’t do that either because usually whenever there’s an uproar in a country the flag is the first thing to be set aflame and it’s most likely because that piece of cloth has more rights and respect than whatever group of people has been marginalized to the point of uprising.
Do y’all know there are specific rules and guidelines to the folding and care of the American flag? Like we have a pledge, an entire pledge, to a piece of fabric and the “ideas it represents” and we teach this pledge to the babies before they’re old enough to decide if they want to learn it or not….but we can’t get a police officer fired for murdering somebody???
You know what let me stop talking about this before I get mad all over again. Anyway, make your own damn flag. It’ll probably be hella cute.
That’s all I got loves. Hope your New Year is going smashingly! Let me know any other holidays you think should have an alternative.
“If you really want to gain knowledge, you must begin by having respect for the Lord. But foolish people hate wisdom and training.”- Proverbs 1:7