259 pounds in Daisy Dukes and other things I wish I could un-see

As I run along in my day-to-day activities, i usually have my iPod blaring in my ears and am focused on what all i have to do for the rest of the day. But every so often in my goings and comings my happy little eyes fall upon something that I would rather have not seen and wish to never see ever again. Here’s a list of some of those things:

1. People with improperly-fitted clothes on

This category covers both ends of the spectrum. One end of the spectrum is skinny people wearing hardly any clothes because it’s hot outside. This usually involves really tight shorts that show just a little bit too much in the derrière area. The other end is what I saw the other day while driving to the gas station: a huge woman with very small shorts on. I saw entirely TOO much, too much skin, too much flab, just too much. I have nothing against any one who is heavy set but I feel as a responsible adult every one should know which clothes look and fit best on them. And daisy dukes on a 250 pound woman is not looking and fitting best. It was just wrong.

2. This one is for my Nola readers-Out of Shape Bounce Dancers

Any one from the New Orleans or any surrounding area knows bounce dancing. And that that form of dancing can get very ugly, very quickly. What with all the varieties of possible wardrobe malfunctions and physical hazards that bounce dancing can entail, its already a risky form of dancing. But when people begin doing splits or shaking just a little too much while wearing glittery leotards in the middle of a parade, Bounce just got taken to new horrid and reprehensible heights. Yes my poor eyes had to witness a troupe of extremely large girls in skin tight sparkly leotards partake in various ‘hut-hut’ dances. Everyone around me had the same reaction and all any one could say was “ohhhhhhh”.  Let’s not forget the gay guys who like to let their pants fall half off their behinds while they’re dancing…WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE THAT?!!! What did I EVER do to you bounce dancers? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?

If you’ve never seen bounce dancing youtube it.

3. Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ Video

I was already on the fence about how I felt about Lady Gaga ever since I saw her on the Grammy’s looking like an agent of Satan. I mean really horns? My mama taught me to stay away from things of the Devil and I’m pretty much flagging her as the leader of the demons. Well anyways, i watched the video for this extremely unsatisfactory and disappointing song and I was not disappointed i was just eye-raped. Violently. Why do people insist on sharing the images of child birth with others? Children are beautiful and they grow up to be very beautiful people but the way they get on this earth is one of the most disgusting, rude, and unattractive things I have ever seen. Seriously childbirth is gross and no one should be forced to watch it. When I have kids no one besides my doctor will be allowed to see ANYTHING! So, why did Lady Gaga think it was a good idea to simulate childbirth and put it on national television? I have no idea but i only need to be eye-raped once.

4. Girl dropping in the Sun Drop Commercial

She looks incredibly awkward. Plus, I feel in real life her dropping it like that will just cause the general population to stop and stare at her with their mouths half-open, looking shocked and amazed.

5. Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ Video

This one counts as both eye and ear rape. The song is horrible but the only thing worse is the horrible acting in the video. She doesn’t even act like she’s having fun and going party. She just has this deer in the headlights look like she’s both frightened and creeped out by Friday. Maybe the cameraman was winking at her or something… like maybe it went like this:

the director: “ACTION!”

and as soon as Rebeccas smiled in the camera…

Cameraman: “yeah baby you sing about Friday. You could sing about Friday all day long. I will listen to you do it and I will record it. Yeah Rebecca you tell me what tomorrow is!”

If that was the case than I totally understand why the girl and her friends looked so frightened throughout the video. But since I’m sure that didn’t happen because that’s illegal I’m gonna just assume the girl is a horrible lip-syncher.

6. The Images on the Pro-Life Abortion Truck Rolling around Campus

WHY would I want to see a picture the size of a billboard of an aborted fetus on a truck rolling through campus. What is the point of that? Does the rate of abortions go down every time somebody gets eye raped by one of those disgusting pictures. This is one instance where shock therapy just is not the answer. I was just moseying my way back to my room from the gym, where I had run a mile, and I look up and BAM there’s a picture of an aborted fetus head staring at me. Wanna know what that picture did for me? FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT. It didn’t make me wanna go stop abortions across the nations, it just made me want to run in my room and hide from the floating dead baby head. I just do not wish to see that. What if there are kids walking around and they see that? That definitely won’t scar them for the rest of their lives and haunt their sweet little unicorn-filled dreams. *sarcastic face*

Well party people that’s all for now. But what other things have you seen that you wished you had never seen. I’d love to hear some.

-Briizy, Bri, aka MsBribap

“And now these three remain:faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love”-1 Corinthians 13:13


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