“I’m Not Judging You But…”[and other situations that lead directly to Judging]

Being P.C. is an art form [P.C. stands for politically correct if ya didn’t know]. It requires skill, tact, high awareness and extreme foresight. One of the aspects of P.C. is using proper terminology and phrasing so that people don’t get offended or feel like you’re “talking down to them”. This skill basically means disclaiming and buffering every single thing you say. I’m not known to be the most P.C. person on the face of the earth[I basically could NEVER be any sort of politician] but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to be more P.C. as I’ve networked and met more people. One of the most prevalent disclaimer styles is starting your sentence by denying what offensive act your words are about to come off as and then proceeding to say the offensive statement.

Example:

*dude walks up to you looking like he hasn’t bathed in weeks”

Random Non-Bathing Dude: Hey, what is up kind fellow or Madam

You: Oh hey guy, I’m not trying to offend you or make it seem like you’re a hobo or nothing, but you look as if you sit on sidewalks and beg for money in your spare time. Your clothing also gives the appearance that you have been protesting showers for the past month and a half.

See, THAT type of disclaimer. People usually don’t mean them and they are only frivolous words to avoid awkward situations and accusations of obscenity and carelessness on your part. Well, these disclaimers got me to thinking, as most things in life do, what things cause me to add on these disclaimers. Is it the fear of someone getting so offended

See I don't need THIS

that they incite a riot of other folks that I offended and they join together to start a Libya/Egypt-like riot against me? Or is it just being nice for society’s sake? I’m thinking it’s a little bit of both. But this post isn’t about an ‘Anti-Brianne’ protest or anything else unfortunate for that matter. This post is a list of a few things that usually make me judge you or think un-nice things about you. Because let’s be honest, the only reason you have to disclaim is because the other person did something that is disclaimer-worthy. One of my favorite and most frequently heard disclaimers is “I’m not judging you or anything but….”, so here are a few things that cause me to possibly judge you and would require me to pull out the good ol’ favorite disclaimer.

Being Racially Inappropriate For No Reason

If you’ve read any of my previous posts you know I cannot stand ignorant things. But I particularly cannot stand ignorant things that have to do with race. Maybe it’s because I’m black so there’s always danger of things getting real racial, real quick but I just hate racial ignorance. People who run around screaming how “all of them is taking our jobs” or “I would’ve got it if they hadn’t picked one of them instead” make me want to slap them with a manuscript of a Martin Luther King Jr. speech. Also, no matter what race you are if you say dumb things like this I will say you’re a redneck and will assume you go home to 35 kids and a trailer.

Being a Disgrace to Your Race and Knowingly engaging in RAOC.

Everyone knows most people judge the majority by the minority they come in contact with. Basically, if you only know five cheerleaders most likely your general opinions about cheerleaders as a whole are going to be based off of what you think about those five cheerleaders you know.  The same rule applies to race. If you only know three Asians, your default opinions about Asians are going to be based off of those three Asians. So when you do something extremely ignorant and/or you intentionally engage in RAOC [Random Acts of Coonery], I’m completely judging you. Coonery refers to any blatantly ignorant act regardless of race, gender, or religion. RAOC include: listening to Waka Flocka, knowing all the words to every Lil Wayne song, begging people for swipes to the caf, walking out of your house as if you just rolled out of bed, stealing from Wal-mart, wearing summer gear when it is clearly winter, being obsessed with Justin Bieber, singing Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’, so on and so forth. When you engage in RAOC that looks bad on not just you but it also looks really bad on your family, your future children, and your race.

Listening to Waka Flocka

if you listening to Waka Flocka or Gucci Mane or OJ the Juice man or Soulja Boy and you think you are listening to real “music” you are too far gone for any one’s help. Just go and grab your mic and “try to take the game by storm” because that’s the only career path available to you. I’m sorry.

Knowing a little too much about various sketchy activities

This situation usually unfolds as such:

*you and a friend are cruising down the street on the way to Wal-Mart for some mid-week grocery shopping-usually occurs when you look in your fridge and your pantry and realize you can’t live off of Ramen noodles and Kool-aid anymore*

You: *after seeing random ne’redoer walking pass the corner store as you drive by* I wonder why people use crack? Especially since you have to make it and all. Seems like a waste of time to me.

Friend: Well actually crack isn’t that hard to make. All you need is a fourth of a cup of [insert random crack ingredient here] and half a pound of [other crack ingredient] and then you mix it in a pot with a gallon of [various crack mixing agent]. But the key is the strain of cocaine that you use, you have to make sure[ insert exact details about cocaine strains which indicate that you friend is the next Frank Lucas]

*By this time you have decided to ditch your friend on the curb because you are convinced that he either: 1. has large amounts of illegal substances on his person, 2. Is running a meth lab at his house, or 3. He killed Tupac*

We’ve all had this happen in one way or another. Either it had to do with unusual knowledge of drugs, strippers, underground gambling/dog-fighting rings, how to “take the rap game by storm”, or something else reprehensible. Usually you’ve already judged the person five times before you even realize because the biggest question is “WHY/HOW do you know this?” and since the only way to gain thorough knowledge of most things is through a great amount of time and energy spent with them…well yeah you can do the math. Now I’m not saying just go disown temporarily sketchy people, I’m just saying you generally tend have to pull out the “I’m not judging you but….you seem like a crack dealer” line. I’m just saying [SN: that’s another buffer, the phrase I’m just saying”]

Mmmk, Party people I wanna hear from YOU! What other things make you say or at least think “i’m not judging you but…”

Remember God is Love,

Bri aka the Bri-ster aka Bree-ahn Pan-yay

“Therefore I tell you whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”-Mark 11:24

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8 thoughts on ““I’m Not Judging You But…”[and other situations that lead directly to Judging]

  1. Amazing. LOVED this! This made me literally laugh out loud. To myself. Like a madwoman. In an airport. With security eyeing me funnily. Speaking of which, here’s one: “I’m not judging you Mr. Khalid Mohammed Akbar-Al-Hussein but…I think you might be a terrorist.”

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