Eating Seafood When You Have A Cut On Your Finger [and other horrible ideas]

There are certain things in life you should just not do intentionally. Things that fall into this category include: jumping in front of a moving vehicle, engaging in prostitution, murdering people so on and so forth. Everyone knows these things are wrong, illegal or just plain stupid. But there are some other, smaller things that people shouldn’t do because it will cause great pain to oneself and end up in epic proportions of failure

Here are a couple of them:

Eating Seafood when you have a cut of your finger

Down here in New Orleans we love seafood. Particularly crawfish and crab legs and corn and sausage and all the other stuff people throw in at crawfish boils. The reason we love seafood so much down here is because it is so friggin’ delicious and the reason it is so friggin’ delicious is because of the stuff we boil it in. I’m not sure exactly what it is we boil our seafood in but i know it involves cayenne pepper and a lot of lemon. As delicious as that[cayenne pepper and lemon]  makes our seafood, it basically burns like the dickens when in contact with a cut or slightly open wound on one’s person. Even a hangnail will leave you in profuse amounts of pain if it becomes covered in seafood boil goodness.

Watching the Wally-World Bounce video by Mr. Ghetto

Ok this one falls in the coonery category, but NOT the “RAOC” category, just regular ol’ acts of coonery. It would be RAOC if it was in fact random, but no the people in this video made the very intentional and purposed choice to produce this nonsense. If you haven’t seen this video I’d advise you to not watch it for too long [I’d say not at all but since I mentioned it I know you’ve probably Youtubed it already]  because if you do you might be spurred to commit some type of coon activity like busting a cap, watching Justin Bieber’s movie, or following Waka Flocka on Twitter. Honestly, there is more coonery and tomfoolery contained in the 4 minutes and some-odd seconds of this video than in five BET award shows and two Waka Flocka 106 and Park appearances combined. THAT is how bad this video is. Save yourself. I beg of you.

Taking Your child to Essence to see Kanye West

Yes, my performances are life-changing! No, your minor should not be watching me perform.

I LOVE KANYE WEST. That’s why I bought plaza-level seats to Essence Fest to go see him on Saturday, July 2nd. I expected to see one of the best performances a rapper could provide and I wound up witnessing one of the GREATEST PERFORMANCES ANY HUMAN COULD PUT ON! But as I was jamming to Kanye I noticed something about five minutes into his performance: a couple of parents briskly walking to the exit door with their little child right behind them. The look on the parents faces was one of shock and awe as Kanye belted out a few of his more profane lyrics. Here’s my question: did you not know that Kanye wasn’t  a family act? Or did you think maybe he’d keep it clean for Essence. Well clearly uninformed parents little Suzy shouldn’t have been at Essence with you anyway, let alone at essence with you while Kanye West was performing. I’m just saying.

Wearing All White

I know it supposedly looks classy or fancy or something and you can wear it before labor day but I’m sorry all white is a recipe for disaster. Or at least it is for me. Me wearing all white is like a signal to all the dirt within five miles of me to come and have a ball. The day I wear all white is the day I trip, slip, and fall down a hill and end up covered in mud. But that’s just my luck.

Going to the Outlet Mall on/near a Holiday

Outlet Malls are like regular malls but with a crap ton more savings. And they have way more savings near holidays than any other time of the year. Seriously today, July the 4th, I went to the Gulfport Outlet and J.Crew was having a clearance sale with an extra 60% off of already marked down items and if you were a student or teacher there was an additional 15% taken off your total. I almost died. I was fortunate enough to have just gotten paid so I had revenue to spend, but imagine if I didn’t have some money. I’d probably have gone broke right there because I mean really if J.Crew/Polo Ralph Lauren/American Eagle Outfitters is having a giant clearance sale are you truly going to pass that up? Methinks not.

Throwing up gang signs when you have no idea what they mean or who saw you do them

You’ll end up shot.

Well those are just a few things I can think of off the top of my head that are inherently bad ideas for anyone. Can yall think of any things that just have no way of being successful?

-Bri aka Briizee aka ‘that girl a senior in college nah’

“‘Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,’ he said ‘peace be strong now, be strong.’ When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said ‘Speak, my lord, since you gave me strength'”-Daniel 10:19


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