Taking too long to walk across the street [and other things that bring my inner Tami Roman out]

Reality TV could very well be the most evil and pointless part of television ever invented. I mean, when you look at the Jersey Shores, Bad Girls’ Clubs and American Idols that swamp our digital programming it’s pretty depressing. And yes there are a few shows, like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Biggest Loser, that could count as the exception in that they have some value because you can see positive things happening in others’ lives, but even still there is an element of exploitation to all the ‘uplifting’ shows. With all these crazy, wild, coon-based shows on tv it’s hard to isolate one show as the worst, but there are certain ones that come to the front of my mind as the forerunners of horrible reality show-ness. One is of course Jersey Shore because the people on there are of no positive value to anyone, I mean NO ONE. Not a life has been, or ever will be, changed for the better because of the stuff these people do on that show.
The other is Basketball Wives.
Let me list the reasons:
1. None of them are currently married to ANY athlete, let alone a basketball player and the one person who is engaged is going to marry a FOOTBALL player which means the person she’s marrying plays a completely DIFFERENT sport than the one the show is named after.
2. The amount of cussing and fighting that goes on in this show is insane. Every other week someone is either getting a drink thrown in their face or getting slapped. No lie, someone got slapped. In the club. With their club clothes on. In a room with about five other people in it. No one even tried to stop it. They all just looked shocked like “oh no, she gonna hafta get her weave readjusted after they put it back on her head, hope she didn’t break a nail”
3. These females are basic (noun-meaning one who is simple and shallow in nature who compensates for their lack of depth with ignorance, doing the most, and the ruining of others lives) I don’t use the word basic much because I think it’s a bit overused but I can’t think of a more appropriate word to describe these women. These women do nothing but meddle in each others social lives and look for ways to bring them down.

Now there is one person on this show who is the general ringleader of most of the hoopla and fighting….Tami Roman. In the TWO seasons she’s been on the show she’s been involved in a good 75% of the fights on the show which is why everyone else on the show is afraid of her. Shes a loose cannon who shouts profanities and pops people in the face at the club. She’s basically the epitome of turning a “hood rat into a housewife”. Now I’m sure you think me calling her a hood rat is harsh but the girl is hood. When she went to the club to slap one of her costars she came dressed in jeans, a plaid shirt, her hair pulled back, and no earrings. Basically she came dressed to beat the living daylights out of somebody else. At the club. Her only purpose of being at the club was to whoop tail. If that ain’t hoodrat-type behavior I have no idea what is. And as much I would love to shake my head at and disapprove of this blatant coonery I cannot lie that I have a little Tami Roman in me.
We all do.
We all have those things that irk us to the point that we get so angry that we’re ready to drop kick the next person we see, even if the next person we see is a disabled elderly WWII veteran. Once certain things happen, Paw Paw has no chance against your violent rage.

Here are a couple of things that send me into a crazed fury that only the love of Jesus can bring me out of:

People Taking too long to cross the street…

….. And when I say people I don’t mean disabled people. I mean people with fully functioning spines and legs who CHOOSE to mosey on across the street even though they see my car coming down the street. I think that’s the part that grinds my gears [yes I said grinds my gears], the fact that you see my car coming down the street and you still decided to step into the street and take your sweet time to get to the other side of the street causing me to slow down so that I don’t smack straight into and end up charged with manslaughter or second degree murder or something.

When Ray-Ray and all his homies decide they wanna skip the line

I’m not gonna lie I’ve done my share of line-cutting in my day and since it’s not fair to those who have patiently waited in the back of the line I’ve stopped doing as of late. Every now and then I may cut when I’m in a rush and I’m sorry for that, I’m a work in progress but that’s exactly why when a person or two cuts someone in front of me I don’t say much. Who knows, they could very well need to get somewhere or maybe they’re just lazy bums, either way, it’s not for me to judge. The only thing that makes my blood boil is when one guy is in line and he decides his twenty other friends should be able to cut him. The thing that gets me is that the skippers are always looking around like they’re trying to be slightly sneaky about it, WE SEE YOU!!!! How can we not see y’all, it’s like thirty more people in line than there were a minute and a half ago. At my school the posse that’s cutting is composed of the same people that stand outside the caf begging for guest swipes.

Watching my team get whooped 

Football is my favorite sport. I’m a  NOLA girl so i kinda can’t help it. I have no problem getting into other sports though and if a soccer or basketball match is on while I’m out getting a bite to eat I’ll watch it. I’m not very good at being neutral in most things so I usually always pick a side and one of the worst feelings in the world is rooting for a team when they are getting their behinds handed to them on a silver platter. I hate blowouts, even if my team is winning. It’s just not entertaining but when my team is on the receiving end of the behind whooping I get enraged. Especially when it’s because my team is playing poorly like when the QB just can’t seem to connect with anybody and keeps getting picked off or none of the receivers can remember that their job is to catch the ball. It’s even worse when someone who supports the opposing team is talking smack in my ear. It is times like these when I realize why bar fights happen.

People making me mad and Not understanding why I’m mad 

Usually this happens when someone says something offensive or extremely ignorant. Kinda goes like this.

Random: Oh em gee! I love your shoes.

You: Thanks! I just got them from [random shoe place] on sale. They’re super comfortable.

Random: Really? I wouldn’t think anything cute came from there plus I always thought only women of the night and hobos got stuff from there-

You: Wait, what? *by this time you’ve already arched your right eyebrow and crossed your arm in response to the underhanded insult*

Random: Oh I didn’t mean to call you a hobo or anything, I just, uh, errr, ummmmm are you okay?

By this time you’re not okay you’re actually quite peeved and ready to go Brick Squad on the person who just called you a homeless prostitute. But you eventually get over it until a few hours later you hear the person who said it tell someone “I don’t get why she got so mad I mean I said her shoes were cute“. Then you just get mad all over again and it’s a never ending cycle of tightened jaws and rolled eyes every time you see that person.

As much as these things peeve me off I must admit that I’d never do any real harm to any elderly veterans or slow pedestrians [or at least I haven’t yet] because I’m a Christian and I can’t just be hitting folks and slapping them in the club all willy nilly but I would love to know what brings the inner ghetto girl or whoady out of you, my treasured readers!

Fighting the forces of coonery one book at time,

Bri aka kewl_briize aka Brini-Weenie

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction”-Proverbs 1:7


2 thoughts on “Taking too long to walk across the street [and other things that bring my inner Tami Roman out]

  1. Lol. Bri, I can always count on you for a good laugh. My inner coon is enraged by people driving SLOW in the PASSING lane. I get SOOOOO mad! I seriously want to ram them with my car.

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